Every Day Delights...

I Can Relate!

2011-06-09T00:06:00.002-06:00

I should preface this by saying that I don't always feel like this when I'm pregnant,.... but.... there are days!

When I saw this, I couldn't help but giggle- I've seen that lost and helpless look in Andrew's eyes before!

I've told him before that half the time I don't understand myself, so I certainly don't expect him to.

Hope you enjoy this as much as I did!

Fun Factory

2011-06-07T19:54:00.010-06:00

One of the kids' favorite places here is the Fun Factory! It is full of arcade games (a lot of them for the older ages), a bowling alley, bumper cars, mini-golf, and little rides. Because they are still so little, we mostly just stick to the air hockey table, little rides, and the simplest arcade games - most of the time they still get enough tickets to each trade them in at the end collect a little prize. They like that part : ) This time Aero was old enough to try out the rides, instead of being strapped in his stroller the whole time. He was a happy boy the whole time!

One of these days, Andrew and I will do a date night here and try out some of the things actually geared for people our age : )

The Welcome Signs of Summer...

2011-06-05T15:57:00.006-06:00

Summer has arrived in full swing! We are embracing it with open and glad arms!

I love the fresh aromas of earth and greenery, flowers in bloom, warm mulch, fresh cut grass, sunscreen, and yummy eateries on the grill.

My skin relishes the warmth of the sun on my skin, and my ears drink in the music of everything living, growing, and buzzing about.

These are some of my favorite things, to give you a taste of this idyllic life : )

Aero swinging in the park

Marcail and Donovan swinging in the park : )

The magnolias on our tree in the front yard are in bloom! They smell lovely!

....along with some other flowering bushes....

Grilling out on the patio on a warm summer's evening

-while the children play outside-

Sometimes I have to stop and take a moment, to view the life I live with a heart full of gratitude and contentment. It really is such a beautiful world and a wonderful life!

Introducing...

2011-05-30T19:36:00.007-06:00

We have decided on a name for our baby boy!

Logan David.

Andrew and I have always liked the name "Logan" (Aero actually came within an inch of being named Logan). We've been using family names for our children's middle names, so we chose "David" after Andrew's dad, who is a wonderful man - I could go on and on about how much he means to us, but I would probably embarrass him : ) Suffice it to say that I consider it an honor to know and love him. He certainly deserves a namesake : )

We all feel very settled knowing that this little guy finally has a name! He is 23 weeks along now, and I am starting to feel very consistent active bumps and tumblings coming from inside; for me it is a very comforting feeling- now, I did not say comfortable! : ) It is comforting to know that little Logan is lively and healthy and strong. It puts my mind at peace.

...And Another One Makes Four

2011-05-16T10:27:00.004-06:00

We are 21 weeks pregnant with our fourth child. Our fourth. Whew. I try to wrap my mind around the truth of it, and my brain won't let me think about it too long - like it wants to go into shut-down mode. I am sure once our new baby is here, all the details will resolve themselves and I will find that I can manage four children after all! Which is why I can't let myself stress about it before-hand; that would require extra energy that I just don't have right now : )

Finding out we were pregnant again (Aero will be 15 months when his baby brother arrives), was quite a shock for me! We knew we wanted a fourth, but I was still trying to not feel overwhelmed with 3 when we discovered we had another on the way. We had even been "preventing" and still we'd managed to unknowingly create a new life. This will be 4 children, 5 years old and younger.

I remember in the frustrating and painful days of my miscarriages when it was so difficult for me to listen to women who were pregnant and didn't really care to be (for one reason or another). It was difficult for me to not be angry with the injustice of it all. I remember thinking that I would always rejoice in a new life and never be ungrateful about it like those mothers. And here I am, a few years later, discovering what a harsh judgement that was. Because I found that I was also one of those mothers.

A mystery in my life is why it was so difficult to have another child when we desperately wanted one, and then why we easily made another child when we weren't pursuing it? How does this make sense? I do know that both situations, as opposite as they are from each other, have brought me to my knees. During my miscarriages, I found myself pleading with the Lord for His grace, for His strength, to be able to trust Him regardless of the situation. Then during this pregnancy, I have found myself praying the same thing! There is something very humbling in knowing that in my own strength, I am not adequate for the task. But with Him, I am able. Only with Him.

I know that when this child enters our family, I will see, just as I've seen with the other 3, that of course he is a perfect addition, a perfect fit, and our family would have been incomplete without him. I am already grateful that the Lord's plans are better than our own!

Now to figure out his name.... Any suggestions???

Appendicitis- A Dose of Adventure on the Side (pun intended)

2011-05-14T10:30:00.005-06:00

I am sitting in the hospital room, while Andrew groggily keeps nodding off to sleep. He just got out of surgery - his appendix was removed this morning, after 1.5 weeks of abdominal pain. After he got off of work last night, in yet more pain, we discussed what he should do. He had done enough research to begin thinking that appendicitis was the culprit. My thoughts were that if it was the reason for the pain, we shouldn't mess with waiting it out for him to die from it! I know, genius thinking, right? :)

Off he went to the ER, while I stayed at home with the sleeping children, cell phone close at hand. When the results finally came back that appendicitis was indeed the cause, we were both relieved. Andrew said he couldn't think of anything worse than the doctors coming back and saying, "Everything looks good, we don't know what is causing your pain- go on home." Although we both had to spend a lonely and sleepless night apart, neither of us were nervous or anxious; mostly just eager to finish this out!

Results have just come back from the surgery: the doctor was very surprised that the appendix had not yet ruptured - he said it was extremely swollen, inflamed, and surrounded by puss. Right now I feel loved by the Lord that He was protecting Andrew all along, even when we had no clue it was so serious.

I have to say, I've REALLY appreciated the use of Facebook during this time! It becomes so easy to keep everyone updated, and therefore I've been flooded with offers to help, pray, or both. And I've kept thinking that it is such a luxury to be around family during this time- they have been so eager to take the children, which is the biggest relief for me! Although the children know that daddy is in the hospital because he wasn't feeling well, they seem to be excited to get away and play somewhere new!

Breath of Fresh Air

2011-05-11T20:52:00.000-06:00

Aero turns 11 months in 4 days. Which means he turns 1 next month. And I can hardly believe that a child can grow up so quickly.

When he was born, he had to wear oxygen for the first 3 months of his life; which I found a little ironic since his name means "air" in English (it's also a European spelling of "Aaron"). He looked like such a fragile little thing. Very cute. Extremely cute. But fragile. Today I look at him and the oxygen days seem like another life. He is lively, flirty, cuddly, and smiley.

In the times during our 2 miscarriages, I prayed for the Lord's perfect timing for our next little baby. I knew He knew which sperm with which egg would make the perfect addition to our little brood. And it was Aero. I can't explain or pretend to understand if it was supposed to be him all along; but I do know that he is a breath of fresh air in my life. He is perfect for our family.

I've seen such a tender side in Marcail that had not had reason to come out before; she adores her baby brother, and is protective, caring, watchful, and adoring. Donovan has gone through a little adjustment in handing over the "baby of the family" role, but most of the time, he is just eager to do boy things with his brother already. I have to explain to him that Aero isn't big enough to wrestle with yet, though I appreciate the sentiment. The nice thing is that Aero is good-natured and also appreciates the sentiment : )

Aero will squeal and I will hear the pitter-patter of little hands and knees crawling on our wood floors as he races as fast as he can go, to keep up with his siblings. He is already so eager to be one of them, to be in the middle of their games and play.

But mostly, I just know that for me personally, he brightens my life. I look at him and see answered prayers. I see a gift from Heaven, longed for and sought for, and finally delivered; and upon delivery, finding the gift above and beyond what I could have imagined.

New Beginnings

2011-05-09T21:38:00.005-06:00

It's late. The family is sleeping, the house is dark, and outside the crickets are chirping. Lately I've been taking solace in the quiet moments; there are very few of them : ) Sometimes I will slip outside while the rest of the family is bustling in the house, and sit outside in the soft noise of nature. The trees rustling in the breeze. The birds flitting from tree to tree. The far-away barks of neighborhood dogs. And I am rejuvenated in the stillness of non-damanding time. There's only about 5-10 minutes of that, but still, I'll take it!

In growing a family, I've found there has come a time where I've been able to wrap my mind around the fact that a family = noise. Lots of noise. I know it sounds silly that its taken me so long to figure it out, but I am glad that it finally dawned on me : ) It also means lots of interruptions. Inconvenient interruptions. Just today I don't think I used the restroom once without a walk-in of some sort. Well, maybe once. But this is what a family looks like, and a lot of my frustration has been eliminated in the shining revelation that family-life really is a sort of organized chaos. It just is. There is no way I can plan my life perfectly enough to be able to account for all the interruptions and noise in my day, that comes with raising 3 small children. No way can I dream up all the situations in a single day that forms itself like a delicate and complicated obstacle course. Here and there, I have to stop myself and pray for the grace to extend what I absolutely feel I do not have left to give; patience, wisdom, gentleness, understanding.... along with a clean house, folded laundry, food in the fridge, and plenty of diapers on hand.

All the demands I had found completely overwhelming. Let's be honest... sometimes they still are. But recently, like pinpoints of light in a dark room, I've been able to embrace the reality of my own inadequacies. I realize that sounds like a paradox. But it means that I am finally seeing, without fear, myself as I really am: the blatant truth that, I am not perfect! Never will be perfect. Do you realize how exhausting it is to strive for something that can never be? I will tell you, it is exhausting. Actually, exhausting is an understatement. Try utter depletion.

Now, don't get me wrong; I am determined to give my best, my all. But that is not the same as perfection, and I can never deliver perfection. In the moments of stillness, I realize who is Big and who is small. Who is Perfect and who is not and can never be. Who is the Source and who desperately needs the Source. I feel a tremendous amount of pressure lifted as I can clearly see that God never expected me to be adequate in the first place. His strength is made perfect in my weakness. I believe that Andrew and I are good parents. But I also know that we fall short of being everything our children need in every moment. For someone that tries to be perfect, that is a frustrating fact! This is when I pray that in those moments of inadequacy, God will step in and graciously fill those gaps we cannot possibly fill. We have a Big God. And I believe He is more than thrilled to make Himself tangibly real in those moments.

In my life, these realizations come to life in new ways; my children have a mother who is a little more patient with them, simply because I have more grace to let them be children. They are not perfect, either. My husband has a wife who is a little less,.... shall we say "emotional"? : ) with him because in accepting my inadequacies, I have more grace for his. It is a journey of new beginnings, and I am excited to see the fresh changes along the way.

For something a little lighter...

2010-10-25T17:33:00.001-06:00

On Sunday, in church during worship, Donovan told daddy, "I gave Jesus my heart. I don't want it anymore."

2010-10-24T21:47:00.002-06:00

I have to say that adjusting to three children has been the roughest transition yet. Taking care of 3 children feels most of the time like the most demanding job I've ever had. Not that the children are demanding especially more than any other children their ages... its just that they are the ages where they cannot yet do much on their own, or unsupervised, at least.

I know that to get the day started off most efficiently, I should get up long before the children do. At the risk of appearing very lazy, I will just go ahead and confess that they are my alarm clock almost every morning. This is mostly because Andrew and I get to bed late. And this is because when the children go down for the night, we love nothing more than hanging out with each other. We get a precious few hours every night for it to be just the two of us. I covet that time together, even if it means losing a little sleep, and a lot of organization the next morning.

I have tried making lists to help me stay focused on housework and preplanning for upcoming events.... but, it is the absolute truth that lists stress me out! I will still be scrubbing the toilets at 9 o'clock at night, with the baby screaming for attention, while I am stubbornly determined to finish the job, because "clean bathrooms" is on my list! I know this is laughable, and I do laugh at myself for it, so feel free to join me : ) I will also find myself impatient with the children because it will take me an hour to unload the dishwasher and reload it, due to the interruptions (and such other duties).

But the most exhausting thing about having three children, is that I cannot keep track of all three at the same time; all of them are often in three different places at any given time! Once, last week, I checked up on Donovan in the bathroom. He had unrolled the toilet paper to the bare tube (AGAIN) and had generously given the toilet half of it! Good times. I think I was almost shaking with anger, while being rendered speechless, and I kept thinking, "Count to ten - Count to ten - Count to ten." When I came back downstairs, Marcail was coloring on her brand new pants with a pen (where did she even get that pen???). And all the commotion woke up the baby! I know that this doesn't sound like a particularly trying set of circumstances, but when this sort of thing happens full circle aaaaalllllllllll day long, I find myself begging God for grace to give out what I do not feel I have.

I always remind myself that this IS what I wanted... I wanted to be married and have children. I wanted to stay home with them and be able to pour myself into them. I wanted desperately to have a third child after 2 miscarriages. So, I feel guilty when I find myself complaining about the struggles of motherhood. I had always envisioned myself as a very patient, nurturing, smiling mother. I had no idea how impatient, frazzled, and scowling I could really be!

I think I should clarify that I am not eternally frustrated - I have a wide range of emotions throughout the day. Literally from tears of happiness and thankfulness, to tears of helplessness, discouragement, and repentance! Hello, I am female : )

A very real solace for me is knowing that everything I am walking through right now is normal. I have had some seasoned mothers to whom I've begged, "Please tell me this is just a phase!" They would laugh with understanding and assure me that this stage IS a very stretching and it IS normal for mothers to often feel they've reached the verge of insanity. Whew!!!

Little Ms. M as a gymnast

2010-09-19T22:24:00.002-06:00

Marcail started gymnastics a couple of weeks ago! What a cute little girl she is in her little leotard and slender little muscles. She is really loving the activity, and being able to see her Aunt April : ) I am so excited for her; she seems like a natural, with how she already points her toes, and loves to tumble at home. Donovan just stands in the entrance and seems captivated and content to watch. Its pretty cute to watch him watch his sister with such fascination : ) We'll see if his interest peaks enough to warrant his own participation in the future!

Home

2010-09-14T19:15:00.003-06:00

I am continually amazed at how natural it feels to be back in Franklin. When we knew we were going to be moving home, I wasn't sure what to expect; honestly, I purposely left it that way since any transition has some level of adjustment. Having a baby is that way. Changing jobs is that way. Moving is most certainly that way.

I know that moving back to where you already know people is MUCH different than moving to where you know no-one, so I feel that we have a good bit of advantage in our transition curve. At times it seems strange to be back in such a small town, where you will undoubtably always run into someone you know (or used to know) in the grocery store. And then again, that is the quaintness of it that also gives it its charm.

But most of the time, its when we are driving through the curvy, country roads into the green mountains here, in the quietness of the pastures, creeks, and thick leafy forests, and breathing in the thick fragrance of soil and humid vegetation... that is when my heart feels rested, and like I have returned to the place I know and love. The peace in my soul assures me that we are in the right place at the right time.

There's no place like home.

The Ol' Stomping Grounds

2010-09-11T22:17:00.002-06:00

Here we are at Andrew's parents' house in Seneca... what a great time! True to fashion, we stayed up much later than we should and played Settlers. That's just what we do when we come to Seneca : ) And we are spending the night. Just like I used to do back when Andrew and I were dating; now here we are, with 3 children, and packing for an overnight is MUCH more work than it was when it was just me! Marcail and Donovan had a fantastic time playing with their cousins, Alyssa and Josiah. And they had way too much fun at bedtime tonight - it's 12:30 a.m. and I am not sure they are even asleep yet....

Franklin, North Carolina

2010-09-09T20:31:00.003-06:00

We have moved from Colorado Springs, Colorado, all the way to Franklin, North Carolina. I wanted to do this post after I redid the look of my blog, to commemorate our new adventure, but seriously.... when do I have time to redecorate and update everything all in one go??? It'll have to come in stages!

We have been here for about two weeks now, and boy, has it been busy. The whole past month has been ridiculously busy, actually : ) Once we knew we were moving home, time sped by. We had so many details to get on top of and nail down. It seemed like there was no way we would accomplish it all in time. Saying goodbye to everyone was much more bittersweet than I had anticipated, especially since by the time we could tell everyone, there was only about 3-4 wks left... everyone was taken by surprise. And of course we had to get together with everyone one last time before we left, too. So our days were busy, and flying by!

The move itself was insanity. I worked the night the movers came. Everyone said, "You're working, and you're leaving in the morning?!?" But think about it. There was no way I was going to have 3 children underfoot in a house that was being emptied by movers. That would qualify as chaos. I got to go to church one last time, hug all my amazing friends there, say goodbye, and my kids had a fantastic time playing there one last time.

When I came home, the whole house still needed to be cleaned. We started cleaning around 11pm, finished at 2 pm, and got up at 5pm. That's right. 3 hours of sleep with a very full day ahead of us. We thought that we were being generous in allotting 4 hours of "stop-time" in our 12 hr journey. Hmmmmm. It ended up being 7 hrs of stops. We were supposed to pull into Bentonville, Arkansas by 8 pm. It was more like 2 am! Once we figured out that the kids did much better at night, we decided that we would drive through the night the next night (yes, that means skipping sleep). We rested up in Bentonville with our great friends there, and left that night around 9 pm. Around 4 a.m. I insisted we stop for a nap somewhere, and we pulled off at a rest area. I promptly fell asleep. We were on the road about 2 hrs later, and continued driving until we came to Franklin, around 7 p.m. As if that schedule was not harrowing enough, we also had other "adventures" which included: me actually driving the 26ft moving truck (pulling the SUV) because I was so desperate for some air conditioning; driving said truck with the left hand, and pumping breast milk with the right.... and then feeding the baby from the bottle with the right hand; and last, but not least, making a scene in a small town in Tennessee when I came up to a bridge that was too low for me to clear through in the moving truck. Yeah...... Not the best of days!

When we arrived in Franklin, Andrew suggested that we start unpacking the truck and find our bedding stuff and sleep in the house for the first night. Here, I put my foot down. Okay..... I explained to him through my tears of frustration that I had enough toll for a few days and did not want to unpack ANYTHING. I just wanted to sleeeeeeeppppppp. He is such a good husband. We got a hotel room for all 5 of us to crash in, that night.

Friends and family arrived in the morning to help us unpack. It was so exciting to see everyone again!!! I love happy reunions and the joy in them. Its so good for my heart. And it was also exciting to move everything into this gorgeous house. This house truly makes me feel spoiled. If it was just a little better than the one we had in the Springs, I would have felt blessed. But this..... this is over-the-top amazing, and makes me feel like the Lord reached down and gave me a HUGE hug and kiss!!! I'd post some pictures, but have yet to find my camera.

Andrew started his new job, and is really enjoying it. I have pretty much got us all settled in and things in place, besides my camera : ) Sometimes I have an ache in my heart for the life we had in Colorado. I suppose that is normal. We truly did love it there, and had a supportive network of friends, and went to, and worked for, a fantastic church. We loved the beauty of the Rocky Mountains. But mostly I miss the relationships. Not just with friends, but also even with my doctor (she would actually pray with me when I was pregnant with Aero). I guess its just missing the groove I knew and was so familiar with.

But the main pull for us to come back was to be with family again. And that pretty much overrode everything and everyone in Colorado that we knew we would miss like crazy. We have already loved having them in our lives and I love being in theirs. They are some of the best people I know. Seeing my children play with their cousins, and knowing they will have the opportunity to grow up with them, makes my heart wondrously happy. I did not grow up with any extended family and had always wanted that for my children. And here we are!

Surgery

2010-08-11T15:01:00.002-06:00

Because Aero was in the NICU, we hit our family deductible with our insurance. And with that being the case, Andrew had surgery on his foot a few weeks ago. He had broken his foot when I was 8 months pregnant with Donovan (that was fun!), and has had screws in there ever since then. Taking the screws out is considered a full surgery, and we didn't have the extra $$$ to take care of it. But since we hit our deductible this year, we decided that we might as well get that surgery taken care of. He has healed well and is glad to be on the other side of this, finally.

Next on our list is Marcail. She has had a cyst of some sort in her throat since she was born. You can see it when she tilts her head up - exactly in the middle of where her collar bones meet. We had it looked at last year by a throat specialist, who said that it probably is not dangerous now, but its always uncertain what it could turn into down the road. So... you can probably guess the rest - she is getting throat surgery on Monday. I know its a minor surgery, but I still feel like I'm going to tear up badly then, seeing her getting ready to be operated on. But I think its still the best thing to do at this point- also because her scar should not be very visible when she's an adult if she gets this done now. I'm a girl, so I understand wanting to look pretty : )

That should be the end of our short but full surgery list. It feels very rushed, especially in light of other changes taking place here. I'll address that later. No, I am not pregnant : ) -I only say that because some people have asked that when I told them I had some news- but please pray for our family!

Still Adjusting but Almost There

2010-08-08T16:20:00.002-06:00

Having a new baby is always a big adjustment. Its exhilarating to hold a new life in your arms, the same life that grew forever in your belly. It exhausting to be awoken at night, every few hours, to a demanding, hungry cry. Its heart warming to see your baby's first smile, and realize that they recognize you as their mommy. Its one of the best feelings in the world to smell a newborn's head as they are snuggled up in the crook of your neck. Being a parent sometimes make you wonder if you could ever be spread thinner on the patience level than you are right now. Sometimes you want a huge field to scream in, with no one to hear and wonder if you have truly lost your wits. Sometimes you want to gather all your children up in your arms like a mother hen, and kiss and hug every one of them at the same time. You find yourself wanting a moment's peace, and then when you are away from it all, you miss the noise and chaos like crazy. Somehow, in the insanity of it all, your children have crept into your heart and claimed a huge chunk of it, and it hits you that your life is changed forever with them in it. Every one of your children will hold huge pieces of your heart until the day when your life on this earth is over. And even then, I suppose you will still love them.

Introducing Aero Stuart

2010-06-27T22:32:00.007-06:00

Hi everyone! I am so proud to show off our new little bundle... he is a beauty and sooooo handsome! Again, I will blame that on Andrew : )

Every person that has seen him has remarked that he looks like Donovan; I do agree, but see a lot of Marcail in him. I pulled some pics as a "blast from the past" to refresh my memory. What do you think? I think Aero is a beautiful mix of his siblings.

MARCAIL:

DONOVAN:

AERO:

This first week back has been a complete blur. Our church hosts a HUGE youth conference every summer, and Andrew, as the head Audio Engineer of course has to be present, and working. We hardly saw him at all. He came home at night to sleep from 4-6 hrs, and that was about it. Single parenting, when healing from a C-section, and taking care of a newborn plus 2 preschoolers, is not exactly something I would recommend : ) I definitely had my hair-pulling moments. Post-pregnancy women are hormonal enough anyways.

That is not to say that I had no help... I certainly did. Meals were graciously provided almost every night by our friends. I cannot explain how grateful I was that not only did I not have to cook, I also didn't have to make any grocery store runs! My mom took care of every stitch of laundry before she left (she had to fly back the morning after Aero was born), which gave me 3 days of no laundry duty! I also had friends who stopped by every day/every other day, just to visit for a couple of hours. I really needed some adult conversation. They really loved getting in some baby cuddle/ bottle feeding time, anyways. Which gave me time to do other tasks.

Aero is not much work though.... he is such a peaceful little baby. He sleeps a ton, and wakes up and cries if his diaper is dirty or if he's hungry. Otherwise he is content to look around and study everything he sees, and coo every once in a while. He is such a blessing, and he melts my heart already! I don't really mind the night feedings, either; to have that time alone with him and stare endlessly at his perfect features, is such a dream come true. And I really mean it; it feels like a dream come true and I have such strong emotions of thankfulness and gratitude to the Lord for being SO GOOD to us.

All of that to say: Andrew started his 2 week paternal leave TODAY!!! I am such a happy woman! We were both able to "sleep in" this morning, and I got a nap in this afternoon. Just to have an extra hand in handling Marcail and Donovan, has been truly refreshing. Tonight we plan on staying up late to watch a movie together (I love being married 5 years and still loving staying up WAY too late together). I love having time to breath and play a little bit. And having time to put together a blog posting : )

Here We Are...

2010-06-15T15:32:00.002-06:00

We are getting a baby boy tonight! He will arrive via c-section in a couple of hours, so I have been tying up all the loose ends around here to prep for his arrival (mostly just finishing the luggage packing for me and the kids).

Everyone has been asking me if I am disappointed that it'll be a c-section, and not a regular birth like I was hoping. The short answer is "Yes." When the doctor finished giving us all his assessments on what the lack of progress was looking like, I asked for some time to talk with Andrew. As soon as the doctor walked out and shut the door, I burst into tears. I just needed a few minutes to re-adjust my reality perception from what I hoping, to what was actually possible.

I am still a little emotional about our decision, but given all the factors (which I won't go into right now), it is the best decision for our baby, and for me.

At the moment, I am growing excited with the anticipation of meeting our son in just a couple of hours! Who does he look like? What color hair does he have, and what color are his eyes? In just a little bit, I will know!!!

And his name, is:

Aero Stuart Makinson

Waiting

2010-06-08T02:01:00.004-06:00

Surprise! I'm actually posting something on here after an eternity of silence. We are still waiting on the arrival of our son - he seems to be happy and content, cooped up in my belly, and not really interested in a new adventure quite yet. So he is taking his sweet time, even though we passed his due date yesterday.

Admittedly, I've been at the point of impatience, and managed to talk myself back into sanity, only to return to frustration with the lack of progress. This cycle goes round and round quite often, and I find that I still prefer to have everything happen on my time table. I have to laugh at myself in this, remembering the past couple of years and the heartaches they held, remembering waiting for the Lord's perfect timing for the conception of this pregnancy, and remembering this same familiar feeling of frustration with having to simply..... w a i t. And here I am again, waiting on timing that is out of my ability to control.

I have very real feelings of joy, realizing that we are SO CLOSE to meeting our little baby; this little life that we have so longed for, and desired; this little boy that has already restored so much happiness and hope. I think it is the very thing that also makes me feel so impatient! But, I would like to be able to see this waiting time as the blessing that it truly is - a pregnancy that has been the answer to many prayers and tears. None of this has been a process that I've been able to hurry along; instead, it has been a walk of trust and faith in God's timing that is not my own.

I suppose it is only fitting that this pregnancy should end in the same way : )

Her Interpretation

2010-03-25T22:43:00.003-06:00

With me bringing the children to KidsLife so much, (our church's Children's Department childcare for staff and small-group attendees; I work there during the week) they have started coming home singing a lot of worship songs, since at every KidsLife session, we do worship complete with hand motions, a Bible story/lesson, and craft. One song we do, "Your Name," has a verse in it that says, "Come inspire our hearts today." I found Marcail singing it, ever so sweetly, as, "Come in spider hearts hearts today."

: )

2010-03-13T20:03:00.002-07:00

In spite of my resolve to be more consistent in my blogging activities, it always seems to get away from me for one reason or another. This week, for instance, I have been buried in the excitement of the stomach bug. Thankfully, I have not acquired it, but everyone else in the family did, and Donovan even got a double-whammy of it. Tuesday night I was holding two small trash cans for Marcail and Donovan's relief, and calling Andrew on my cell phone at the same time: "Baby, WHEN ARE YOU COMING HOME?!?" Needless to say, my washing machine has been going non-stop, I've refilled my disinfectant bottle several times, gone through many rolls of paper towels, and scrubbed the house down several times.

Nonetheless, I've enjoyed the time here at home. The business of marching to the beat of the clock has halted for the past week, since I've stayed at home since Tuesday afternoon. No rushing out the door to get to church on time, or the gym, or the store or anything. No alarm clocks. This is my silver lining, and its been refreshing in its own way. The rest of the family has been sleeping a lot as their bodies have been trying to get back to health; which has left me plenty of free time to...... nap : ) Love it.

Thought for the Day

2010-03-03T22:41:00.002-07:00

"People cannot consistently behave in ways that are inconsistent with the way they perceive themselves. You don't change yourself by your perception. You change your perception of yourself by believing the truth."

Neil T. Anderson

I am seeing in my own life that what I truly believe about myself, and who I am in Christ, (not what I should think about myself, or wish that I could) affects everything and everyone that I influence. Seeing that scares me a little! Maybe more than a little : ) But more than anything, it makes me desire to make sure I am truly believing the Truth.

2010-02-17T20:49:00.003-07:00

The children are watching Cinderella, and I am busy at the computer in the same room. At one point, Marcail points and exclaims to Donovan," Look! Gus-Gus (one of the mice) has a big belly just like my mommy!"

Belly Pic at 5 months

2010-02-10T13:19:00.004-07:00

Everything seems to be expanding at a rapid pace! I told Andrew that at least all the "curves" are remaining somewhat proportionate : )

The baby is moving around quite a bit, and I am LOVING it! I don't care at this point if he is keeping me up or waking me up at night. I've longed for this for so long, that my heart just fills with joy. Maybe at 8 months the sentimentality of it will have worn off : ) but for now, I am truly enjoying this pregnancy.

And, what do I think about someone who says, "I can't even tell you're pregnant?!?" I don't think I can post it on here...

And I had to post this, too. Marcail wanted Daddy to take a picture of her teddy's belly too. I think mine wins out : ) What do you think???

Hair Play

2010-02-10T13:10:00.004-07:00

One night at home, I decided to put ALL of Marcail's bows and clips in her hair, just for the fun of it; and because I kept finding her in her bathroom "doing her hair" when she was supposed to be sleeping... So I confiscated her hair things and decided she needed a time set aside for hair play. She really enjoyed it, and so did I! The only downfall was the next morning, when she wanted to go to church with all the bows in her hair again. Ummmm, no : )

What Kids Say

2010-02-08T14:39:00.002-07:00

The other day, we were in the parking lot at church. Although we both work there, sometimes Andrew goes in earlier than I do, so on those days we have to take separate vehicles. The nice thing is that Andrew will often help me load and unload the children from the car when I arrive or leave.

Andrew had just finished buckling Marcail in her car seat, said goodbye, and left for his truck across the parking lot. Marcail asked, "Mommy, where did daddy go?" I replied, "I think he went to his truck." Then she answered, "Do you guess so, or do you think so?" I totally did a double-take with her question, and finally composed myself to say, "Marcail, I know so." I laughed to myself and shook my head in disbelief at the same time. The things she comes up with!

We Have a Ballerina

2010-02-06T15:47:00.005-07:00

One thing I was extremely blessed with, in my childhood, was a dance troupe at church; for free, no less. I LOVED it! A while ago, my friend told me about New Life's Ballet Class for Marcail's age, but it had never worked out until they started a Friday class. Marcail is such a slender little girl, with amazing balance and poise, that I have often wondered if she would naturally take to ballet. Well, yesterday was the day for her first "real" attempt, and she really did seem to enjoy it!

Her very good friend, Kadence, was there, and they seemed to enjoy being enamored with each other, as much as dancing, but I must say it was SO CUTE!

I was told they will actually learn ballet positions and movements. Very impressive!

My Heart Still Melts

2010-02-06T15:44:00.003-07:00

This little boy of mine still steals my heart. There is nothing like a sleeping child to remind you of how precious life is.

Our Foxy Friend

2010-02-06T15:33:00.003-07:00

seems to have adopted us. Or at least, our backyard. He shows up every day or two and takes long naps in the sunshine. The children have made it a part of their morning routine to climb on the dining room chairs to look out the window and see if he is there sleeping.

One afternoon, I glanced outside to see him chowing down on...... something? I watched him for several minutes before I could discern that his dinner was a little chipmunk. Eew.

I have wondered what sort of dilemma this will provide for us, come summertime, as the children will be playing out back a good deal of the time. But the fox seems to still have a healthy fear of humans; Andrew has gone outside to shovel snow or such, and the little guy immediately awakes and jumps over the fence in less than 2 seconds. For now, at least, we can still be "friends."

Baby Update

2010-01-28T17:54:00.002-07:00

My Doctor called last week. When our ultrasound and follow-up appointment were done last week, she was out of the office with a delivery, so I didn't get to talk with her personally at the time. Apparently, the placenta is low-lying, a condition called placenta previa. Essentially, the placenta is low enough that it covers some degree of the cervix, blocking the baby's exit.

It is very normal for this condition to reverse itself between 20 and 30 weeks (the baby is 21 weeks). If it doesn't reverse by 30 weeks (because it typically remains in place after then), a c-section will be scheduled for the baby's delivery. I was so relieved to hear that this was "worst case scenario"! A c-section, I can handle; that's all I know!!! Depending on the severity of the placement of the placenta, I also could be ordered to bed rest (which for me would be akin to torture).

For now, we will wait to do another ultrasound, probably closer to 30 weeks, and take it from there. Right now, I have complete peace about our little boy. By this point, I'm just so grateful to have another child, I don't care whether or not I get my preference of a normal birth. Please continue praying for the protection of our son in whatever course this story goes!

Back to Reality

2010-01-28T17:45:00.003-07:00

We've enjoyed beautiful January weather this year; it has been so much like spring, that I actually went to the garden center at Wal-Mart to enjoy the plants--- but they still had Christmas ornaments up! Whooops : ) I guess it is still January : )

As of last night, though, it is snowing outside and the roads have become frightful! Tonight we will stay inside a warm and dry house, and enjoy some shepherd's pie and peach cobbler a la mode. YUM!

ITS A BOY!!!!

2010-01-20T14:23:00.002-07:00

....a healthy, 11 oz little guy. Everyone has been asking what I wanted; to be perfectly honest, I've wanted a happy, healthy child, more than any specific gender. I feel so blessed to be entrusted with children that the Lord gives to us. We have been praying for "#3" for years, and I know that he will be the perfect addition to our little family.

We've had a name picked out for a while, but Andrew wants to reserve the right to change his mind, so I don't think I'll post the name on here quite yet : )

Thank you, thank you, thank you all for your prayers. Please continue in praying with us for this new, little life!

Tomorrow

2010-01-18T20:39:00.002-07:00

....we find out first thing in the morning what the sex of the baby is, and of course, if the baby seems to be healthy. Stay tuned!

I do mean to post more often, but it seems that everytime I sit down to post, duty calls, and I have to postpone my thoughts for another time.

I want to thank all of you for your phone calls, emails, and comments, regarding my last post. Its been so encouraging to find that these experiences are normal, and that I am not alone! Surprisingly enough, Marcail has toned it down a bit AND I've been doing a better job at finding ways to soothe her moods.

Anyways, in the meantime, I will try and sleep tonight (in my excitement/nervousness over tomorrow), and leave all my concerns in the Lord's hands; that's the best place for them, anyways : )

Back Again

2010-01-05T23:09:00.004-07:00

It sure has been awhile since I last posted anything. The thought of catching up on pictures from Thanksgiving/ Christmas, and everything in-between is quite daunting, so I will just hit the ground running from this point. Pictures from the holidays may or may not appear, so no promises!

My darling princess Marcail has officially set her mommy into tears of frustration - though she hasn't seen it. I have sought experienced mothers out, and am relieved to hear that everything she is doing is a "phase;" a battle of wills and I must be consistent and show her that I am truly Queen. As smart as she is, I would've thought she would understand the concept by now!

Our main struggle has been to keep her in bed during bedtime. Although we are consistent in disciplining her in this, she continues to think she can rewrite the rules on this. Some of the results are comical: finding her fast asleep on the potty with her blanket draped over her entire head and body (is the toilet REALLY more comfortable than her bed???), or asleep under Donovan's crib, or anywhere else she happens to land when her gas runs out. The other night I woke up to some noise, at 1:30 in the morning, and crept downstairs where I found her taking Christmas ornaments off the tree (which is and has been definitely OFF LIMITS). She has tried rummaging through our bedroom and bathroom (also always off limits) during her naptime, and attempted to smear chapstick, lotion, Vaseline, etc. on the walls and tear up all our bandaids. This afternoon I found her in Donovan's room, having woken him up from his nap, turned his light on, destroying another box of bandaids that she illegally obtained from our bedroom. Why?!?! If I leave Donovan in her room (they have shared a room for years), she will climb into his crib, wake him up, and have a jumping party on his mattress. So we have had to split them up for now.

On top of this, she has started asking "Why?" about everything. I don't find it cute, because I don't think she really wants to know "Why?" I think she likes the "game of 'why?' " Finally today I started asking her "Why?" about everything, and I could see her understand my viewpoint. Eventually she asked me to, "Please stop asking 'Why?' " Hopefully I got somewhere with that.

And of course she has an alternative for everything I tell her to do. If I want her to wear a jacket, she doesn't need one. If I pick out a pair of shoes, she wants to wear a different pair. When we sit down to eat, she still tries to bring her blanket and some toys with her. When I try to help her get buckled in her car seat, she immediately wants to do it on her own, but when I leave it to her, she demands help. Every time, she wants to argue about it. Every time, I put my foot down. And still she tries to make the rules.

Understand that I love my child, but mostly what frustrates me in all of this is..... my frustration, my anger, my feeling of helplessness. I feel so lacking in emotional strength and fortitude..... and tenderness and love. Of course I knew child-rearing was work. Maybe sometimes I think its not supposed to be and that's where I end up feeling shocked and blindsided? I'm not sure.... My comfort has been in knowing that mothers tell me that this is motherhood. This is the "3's" phase. I so want to believe it!!!

And so, I hope to come out on the other side of this being well -seasoned and matured : ) and having a daughter who reflects the attributes of good training. Pray with me!

11 week baby appointment

2009-11-18T14:15:00.002-07:00

As I've mentioned before, my 11 week appointment (which was yesterday morning) with the doctor was both something I was both excited and nervous about. Andrew came with me, and someone watched Marcail and Donovan for us.

As my doctor moved the doppler over my lower belly, we waited with expectancy to hear a little heartbeat. But we heard nothing. My doctor took a few minutes to slowly inch her way way across the belly, and a little up and a little down. Nope, still nothing. My heart was pounding so hard, and I kept thinking, "I can't do this all over again!," as I was fighting back tears. Finally Dr.Cassidy said, "We might need to take you to an ultrasound just to see what's going on in there." It was a replay of my last miscarriage, and my mind was swimming.

She took one last quick swipe across my belly, a little higher this time. "Oh! There it is!" she exclaimed and flashed me a huge smile. She hovered the doppler over the heartbeat and said, "I'm just going to keep this here a minute and let you enjoy that sound...." I finally breathed! : ) The sound of the baby's heart was so beautiful. It was music to my ears and a huge relief to my heart. Our little baby was doing just fine. The heartbeat was steady and strong, 163 beats per minute --- which means it's a girl : ) Haha! No, I'm just teasing Andrew because he thinks its a boy : )

Thankful for Thanksgiving

2009-11-10T17:01:00.006-07:00

In less than two weeks, we are headed out on a loooonnnng road trip; we are going back to the Carolinas for 2 weeks during Thanksgiving! We'll arrive late on Monday, the 23rd, and head back on Friday, Dec. 4th.

I am SO excited and find it humorous how many times during the day I become thrilled just thinking about it : ) Andrew is hoping to actually have a vacation where we get some down-time, but with so many friends and family to see, I wonder how much down-time we will really get : )

For those of you that want to see us, email me and let me know what days/hours work best for you. Most of our schedule for the 2 weeks is unplanned and open. My guess is that with our schedule being so open and flexible, its easier for us to fit into your calendar, than the other way around.

See you soon!

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

2009-11-06T13:46:00.002-07:00

So here is a photo of my 9 week pregnant belly. I wasn't kidding when I said it was HUGE already --- normally, this is what I look like at 4-5 months, not two. Earlier this week, my lower back was hurting so much, I could hardly walk; my theory is that there has been so much growth on my front, that my back muscles couldn't adapt quickly enough.

Nonetheless, I am sooooo happy that the baby is apparently growing so well!

When Normal is Good!

2009-10-28T13:30:00.004-06:00

About 2 weeks ago, at my last doctor's visit, I had eleven viles of blood drawn. Eleven. Twenty viles make one liter, so that's a lot of blood. If you understood how squeamish I am around needles, you would know what a champion I am for having gone through with it! : )

My doctor wanted to be able to rule out any kind of blood disorders that would cause two miscarriages in a row, and she wanted to have that info to help prevent another loss. So to the lab I went. What a woman will do for a baby, right?!? As the technician took my blood, which took about 15 minutes of "needle time," I asked her if it was going to be okay for me to drive home right away. She chuckled and said, "Oh honey, its not like you're donating blood." Oh really??? Actually, I'm only doing this for a very noble cause!!!

Anyways, this morning, I got the results in the mail. Everything that potentially could have been a problem is normal! I am so happy! One of the blood disorders would have required an injection every day for the rest of the pregnancy (and any other pregnancies I might have). I probably don't have to explain that this would have been, well, less than fun : )

The News We've All Been Waiting For..... : )

2009-10-27T23:09:00.002-06:00

Yes! We are pregnant with a little baby! The due date is June 7th, and we and so many others have been furiously praying for this darling child. I have to admit that being pregnant is as much a faith walk as trying forever to get pregnant.

We had an ultrasound at 6 weeks, which was about 2 weeks ago. I was so nervous, I actually accidentally showed up an hour before my appointment thinking I was on time! Andrew met me there at the correct time : ) , and when the technician called us back, my heart was pounding out of my throat. The room she viewed the baby in, happened to be the same room where I was informed in February that the baby had no heartbeat--- so you can imagine the emotion in me as I was prepping to see this child. You can also imagine my relief and joy as we saw a tiny healthy heartbeat!

The baby is now 8 weeks along, but my belly thinks that I must be at least 3 months along, because it is HUGE already. I can hardly believe it, but I am soooo thankful! When I walk past a mirror and see the swollen belly, I have to smile. Some days it takes work to not analyze whether my belly has "shrunk" (bad sign) or "expanded" (good sign). But there is no doubt that in the last couple weeks it has only grown, so,....... YAY!!!! : ) Now to find some pants that can fit me. Hmmmmm.

My next appointment is the middle of November, and I both cannot wait for it, and am certainly dreading it. How do I prepare myself for whatever happens??? It seems to me that life is full of circumstances where I simply have to trust the Lord with it. The circumstances are different in different seasons of life, but there is always something going on that require faith to walk in all of it!

And we are moved!

2009-10-05T00:33:00.003-06:00

This is the first time that I've been online in over a week or so...... whew, what a ride!!!! We are semi-settled in our new place. That means that our garage is FULL of "stuff" and we are still digging through the piles to find random things that we need.

We spent the first few days tearing down very ill-done wallpaper, scrubbing the walls, and repainting. This sounds easy, theorectically, but..... let's just say there has to be a deep place in hell where no one can do anything but tear down wall paper. It is the worst chore in the the entire world. So tedious and never-ending and grueling. Yuck. Anyways, after we finished that task, we had 3 days left to move everything from our old house to this one, and clean BOTH houses.

At this point, I was seriously stressing out! Andrew and I were staying up till 2 am every morning trying to make this move happen, and still having to go to work every day or night, with 2 children that became very ornery and defiant in the stress of everything,.... all on 5 hours of sleep each night. I can tell you that its just not a pleasant combo.

In the midst of all of this, God just showed Himself so faithful. One guy helped Andrew move some furniture for a couple of hours, and when he left, another guy just "happened" to have some free time and swung by to help Andrew finish up. One friend of mine helped me scrub everything down in our old place, and I was amazed how much we were able to get accomplished.

Still, on the last night, the deadline of when we were supposed to be completely out, I was about to crack; we still had SOOOO much work left to do. 2 couples "randomly" showed up at our place around 9:30 pm, and we had that place spotless by midnight! Amazing!!! And the ladies at church watched Marcail and Donovan the entire next morning for me, just so I could have some down-time to myself.

As I look back on this last week, my heart is so touched with the awareness that the Lord cares for us so much! He loves to show Himself able! As we were finishing up that last night, I truly felt as though He had come over and given me a bear hug. Everything was going to be alright; He was going to make sure of it : )

Done Deal

2009-09-25T14:04:00.002-06:00

Yesterday we signed the lease on the house! We are very excited; and have more to do than I even want to think about right now! Our agent said that they had been bombarded with applications, and we were picked as # 1 choice out of all of them. Isn't that remarkable?! And isn't our God so good to us?

The next two days will be filled with prepping the new house; cleaning it, sprucing up the yard, and.... PAINTING the walls (obviously my favorite part)! You have to understand, we have not been permitted to paint the walls of any place we have ever lived in. So now I have 4.5 years of pent-up painting frenzy just oozing out of me right now. Yesterday I went and picked out some colors to discuss with Andrew, and I think tonight we are going to purchase a couple of 5 gallon tubs. YAY!!!

So all the painting needs to be finished by Sunday, and we have until the 1st to be completely out of our current place. I have been blessed with ladies here offering to help watch the children and/or help me clean this place after everything gets moved out of it.

Plan on seeing some before and after pics. And pray that I don't lose my head in the business of the next week!

...And Take 3

2009-09-19T01:17:00.007-06:00

Here is a picture of our final choice:

We handed in an application this afternoon. Its a 3 bedroom, 2 bath home with a den and a living room. Most importantly, it has a back yard (what I really want for the children) and a two car garage (what Andrew really wants) : ) The asking price is the same as what we wanted to pay for the townhome we were interested in earlier.

Even better is that it "happens" to be in the SAME neighborhood as where we are now! It will literally take us only 2 minutes of driving time to get from our current place to this house. How's that for an easy move??!

I'll keep you posted on updates!

Housing Update: Take 2 : )

2009-09-15T14:50:00.004-06:00

Well, we had thought we would know more about our next housing arrangement by today, but it seems that we have a number of leads that are hopeful... which is actually good news! I'm glad at this point that we do have some options to work with! Hopefully by Thursday, all the dust will have settled and we will have a final answer : )

I just want to thank all of you for your prayers for us. Many of my friends here have mentioned how crazy it is that we have so little time and yet have peace about the whole situation working out. I love how the Lord has put His hand over our little family and put our hearts at rest. I have complete confidence that this story will end simply and beautifully; I just don't know exactly what that will be at this point!

Housing Update

2009-09-10T15:55:00.003-06:00

Keep praying, because we have no update!!! 20 days and counting....

We found a condo that we really like and would suit our needs perfectly. However the owner wants more for it in rent than we are willing to pay. BUT, if no one has claimed it by Tuesday, its ours for our asking price. I don't mind asking you to pray that no one else takes it : )

Queen Marcail

2009-09-10T15:42:00.004-06:00

Marcail has come to the understanding that she is a princess, that Donovan is a prince, Daddy is the King, and mommy, well, mommy is a princess, too. That's what I'd rather be; not a queen. I think it comes down to the fact that princesses are loved and adored, while queens are respected, feared, have a ton of responsibility, and don't get to have fun- at least, that's how it seems : )

Andrew was walking away after letting Marcail and Donovan play in the KidsClub at the gym. Marcail called out after him, "DADDY! Kiss-a me, please!"

He thought, "How cute." So he turned around and walked back towards her.

When he got right next to her, she stuck out her hand.

And she said, matter-of-factly, "Kiss-a my hand."

I'm thinking that she would rather enjoy being a queen.

: )

Zoo with Daddy

2009-09-10T14:07:00.006-06:00

A couple of weeks ago, we all went to the zoo, and Andrew got to come with us! This was the first time that he's been with us here, and we had such a great time together. We had perfect Colorado weather, too. It was so nice not taking the stroller this time; just one adult per child : ) which worked beautifully. I think we will be making it a tradition to get a swirl cone to split each time we go in the future - those are SO yummy! Plus, for whatever reason, Marcail and Donovan weren't interested in eating it, so mommy and daddy had to share it all by themselves. It was tough. But we managed : )

Thank you, Grandma for the year pass! We will be making good use out of it.

Keep Moving

2009-09-03T14:50:00.004-06:00

We are moving again - still in the Springs, but to another housing arrangement that will cost less than what we are renting for now. But.... we have no idea where!!! Andrew gave our leasing agents the 30 day notice this past weekend, so we have 27 days and counting, left to discover our new casa.

This is gonna keep us busy. We will be moving for the 5th time in 4 years. On the bright side, it has kept us from accumulating "stuff." And on the other hand, I wouldn't mind resting somewhere for a couple of years! And on the other hand (I know, I sound like the Fiddler on the Roof dad), if we aren't moving back to the Carolinas anytime soon, I think we should just move to Australia for a few years : ) Wouldn't that be fun?!?!

He is Faithful

2009-09-02T19:41:00.005-06:00

^{Thank you all for your prayers; I have yet to understand how or why prayers work, I just know that God is alive and real. This week has gone by relatively smoothly, and I am so thankful! Today is/was the official due date of our baby, and I have felt peace in it.

Sometimes life doesn't paint the picture we would have painted, sometimes the road before us is nothing like what we would have chosen. Sometimes even God's promises to us come to pass differently than we had envisioned in our minds. But He is faithful and good.

Although I don't view the Lord as someone who strikes us with tragedies to teach us a lesson, I know with certainty that if we let Him, He will make something beautiful from every hardship - and, as I said, sometimes that doesn't look like what we expect.

He may not make our desert a lush paradise, but He will at least provide rivers and a path through the wilderness while we journey through it. Thank you for being part of the refreshing for me.

Isaiah 43:

18} “ Do not remember the former things,
Nor consider the things of old.

¹⁹ Behold, I will do a new thing,
Now it shall spring forth;
Shall you not know it?
I will even make a road in the wilderness
And rivers in the desert.

²⁰ The beast of the field will honor Me,
The jackals and the ostriches,
Because I give waters in the wilderness
And rivers in the desert,
To give drink to My people, My chosen.

²¹ This people I have formed for Myself;
They shall declare My praise.

What's in a Day

2009-09-01T14:23:00.005-06:00

Here's a text conversation, with Andrew, from a few days ago:

Andrew: Have you been to the gym today?

Anneke: No

Anneke: But I made you some meatloaf : )

Anneke: & chicken salad

Anneke: & bathed the children (saved Donovan from drowning in the tub)

Anneke: & cleaned the children's room and the office

Anneke: & did dishes

Andrew: Wow!

Anneke: Played outside

Anneke: Put Marcail in time out

Anneke: Put a book in time out

Anneke: Put myself in time out (sigh)

Andrew: Nice

Anneke: Stepped on a puzzle on the kitchen floor and almost screamed but didn't (while fixing lunch)

Anneke: Talked to April on the phone

Anneke: Read my Bible

Anneke: & now I'm relaxing in bed : )

It was only 4 o'clock in the afternoon. The evening was just as full as the earlier part of the day!

I did not make it to the gym : )

Request

2009-08-26T22:39:00.002-06:00

I ask you all for prayers during the next week. Originally, I would have been birthing a baby any day now. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with gratitude in the way that the Lord has carried me through this heart-ache, and given me peace and very real joy. And other times I feel overwhelmed with the heart-ache. This week has already started surprising me by the very strong emotions of grief - more than I care to feel. But I guess it is just one of those things I have to work through whether I want to or not. The "due date" will come, as much as it will hurt, and it will go. I feel impatient to already be on the other end of this week....

The Things They'll Repeat...

2009-08-22T17:40:00.002-06:00

It has truly been an adventure in teaching our children. I mean, we have to teach them everything! They come to us with a blank slate and its up to us to write on it what we want on it. Its almost intimidating. And, sometimes its downright funny when they start repeating your own phrases.

Like Marcail said, "sure" long before she started saying, "yes." She got that from me. And Donovan is saying, "yep!" So cute....hmmmm..... I'm not really sure where he got that! I got into the habit of saying, "Oh, gosh," some time ago; which I've had to break upon Andrew's reproof in hearing Marcail repeat it. Once, I heard her say it and I had a very strange mix of thoughts: "Oh NO!" and, " That is the cutest thing she's ever said!" I think I gawked and then laughed... until I caught Andrew's look. Oops : )

Since Marcail's potty training days are not too far behind her, she will follow Andrew and me around and tell us, " Good job! I'm so PROUD of you!!!" after we finish using the bathroom. Today, in fact, Marcail was supposed to be napping, but as soon as she heard the toilet flush in the bathroom next to her, Andrew and I both heard her jump up and exclaim, "OH! I see! (that is one of her favorite phrases too) You went potty! I'm so PROUD of you!!!!"

Just a couple of days ago, I was going through the alphabet with her, and she now knows that "Marcail" starts with "M," "Donovan" starts with "D," and mommy and daddy's names start with "A." We started going through her friends' names, "Kadence," and her brother, "Keaton." She understood that Kadence's name starts with a "K" but when I said that Keaton's did too, there was a pause. She tilted her head up at me, "Keaton's name starts with 'K' ?" "Yes," I said confidently. There was another pause. "You sure?" she questioned. To which I doubled over laughing for a couple of reasons. First off, that was the first time she ever even said those words, and secondly, because of COURSE I'm sure!!! I had to call Andrew up right away and relay the story to him : )

And lastly, during their naptime (again), Marcail and Donovan heard a motorcycle rev past, to which they bounced up and down on their mattress (you can clearly hear the squeaks and thuds) and shouted, "Oh! Bye motorcycle! Bye!"--- I know they were furiously waving, because that is how they always say goodbye---- "See ya later! Bye!"

Oh, they do make me laugh!

2009-08-19T17:24:00.003-06:00

Birthday Party for M & D

2009-08-19T14:03:00.007-06:00

Since Marcail and Donovan's birthdays fall so closely together (3 days), it is easiest at this point to do double birthday parties.... which I figure I should enjoy while it lasts. Eventually, Marcail will probably want pink princesses and "girls only." And Donovan will want water- gun fights and arm wrestling contests,----- or something------ (what DO boys want for their parties, anyways?). Right now, Marcail is just as content with blue as Donovan is with pink, and they have the same bunch of friends from church. That makes it easy for me! And they loved it too, which was the most important thing for me.

It was nice that Grandma could be here for the party, too. Planning a party is work, no matter how how "simple" you make it, and help is always gladly accepted! We had a great time.

The only complaint I got at the party was that it is hard to stick to a diet when you come to our house. I have to admit, I take pride in that : )

Everyone hangin' out with food and sun. Perfect.

Pool time!

Having fun playing outside. It was gorgeous weather!

Donovan's cake was vanilla ice cream between oreo and brownie layers, with a chocolate sauce on top. Yummy!

Marcail's cake consisted of cherry-chocolate ice cream between oreo and a brownie layers, with a berry delicious sauce on top. Sorry, I couldn't resist the joke : )

Present opening time!

How cute is this fireman's hat?!?!

They got a lot of help opening their gifts...

Marcail and "Can-Can." Gil was taking pictures at this point, so we have quite a few with Candace in them : )

The busy afternoon is winding down...

They just love these puzzles! I need to find some more with numbers....

Sharing a smile

Grandma helping us clean up afterwards. Actually, who am I kidding? She cleaned up soooooooo much after the party! What a blessing for an extra pair of hands. Especially hers : )

He better enjoy those precious seconds with Marcail's new doll, "Bella," before she catches him playing with it! I'll let your imagination tell you the end of this story; it'll be pretty close to accurate : )

Donovan is 2

2009-08-15T16:19:00.006-06:00

Donovan was very much a surprise present to our family. Marcail was only 3 months old when he was conceived. People ask us if we wanted our children close together; yes, is the answer, but we certainly weren't planning on them being THAT close together! It was also amazing to me how many people made remarks that I would pull my hair out and go crazy with my children being so close together. I am so pleased that none of their comments came to fruition. Most of the time : ) Actually, if I could do it all over again, knowing what I know now, I would definitely have them close together again. In fact, if we ever get pregnant again, I would not be against doing the same pattern, this time on purpose.

Anyways, back to Donovan : ) He is such a delight. I don't know what it is with mothers and sons, but he certainly pulls on my heart strings like no other. Somehow I find it very easy to have patience with him; not that I don't with Marcail, but when she wants to be defiant, she gives me that "look." You know what I mean, that, "I'm-going-to-do-this-on-purpose-just-to- push-your-buttons" look (which has forced me to get rid of some of my buttons!) Donovan will give me another look. It says, "I'm too innocent and cute to understand what you are saying, and we can make a fun game out of this anyways," which I find difficult to not at least smile! So I have to watch myself carefully to make sure he doesn't get away with more than Marcail does!

He is playful, and so smiley. He loves trucks, balls, and balloons. He imitates Marcail so well, and learns very well from her example - which can be good and bad, of course! He loves being tickled and will sometimes lay down next to me just so I can tickle him and make him squeal. When I pick him up, he almost always lays his head on my shoulder and cuddles. He will come up to Andrew and me, and give us kisses at any time. And he LOVES food - he eats as much as I do, and he only just turned 2! Donovan is also such a sociable little boy; he gets along with everybody and shares willingly. But sometimes he irritates Marcail like no other; so he is a good little brother in that way : )

I often watch him, adoring all his little features, and wonder what he will be like as a man. I figure he is going to be a genuinely fun and loving person. And super handsome. All the ladies will think he likes them, when, no, he is just being his normal genuine self. Poor girls : ) I cannot put into words the security I feel, knowing that he has such a good example of a man, in his daddy. I will always pray for Donovan, but I don't worry about the man he will become, because Andrew is such an incredible husband and father.

Through the Years; Marcail is now 3

2009-08-08T17:23:00.006-06:00

I have actually been dreading this posting. Postponing it you might say (no, that was not intended to be a pun).

My little Marcail, not so little anymore; I think its a psychological thing to try to not evaluate something closely, so I don't have to admit the reality of it, so I don't have to see it staring me fully in the face: Time moves on whether I want it to or not. I could say that no one warned me that it would fly so fast, but that would not be true. Everyone warned me, and I wanted them to be quiet about it; you know how when people give you unasked for advice, and you just want to find out for yourself before you take their word for it? Well, its true! I can hardly remember the time when she was a baby, and she's only 3!

Marcail was born a gorgeous little girl, and she has just grown to become even more beautiful through the years. She was born with a very content and happy disposition - such a smiley little baby and so trusting. I remember thinking how I would ever be able to tell her that the whole world doesn't smile all the time. Somehow she figured it out, though; these days she is sure to look you over a couple of times and you can see the wheels in her mind spinning as she eyes you over. She loves details; they fascinate her. She would rather sit down and figure out a puzzle than watch a movie ---sometimes I wish she would just chill out and watch a movie! She has a strong, independent streak. I'm not sure where she got that?! : ) She still has her happy disposition, and nothing makes her more happy than to help out with something, especially since she is and always has been go-go-go. Its when she is bored that she gets ornery so she needs to be busy! She asks tons of questions and never fails to amaze me at what she understands and what she figures out on her own.

My dear Marcail, no one explained to me what a joy it was going to be, to be your mother. No one was ever able to put into words what a mother feels when her child is placed in her arms for the first time. I never understood how my heart would swell when you said "Mommy" for the first time, or when just yesterday you exclaimed loudly with your arms open wide, "Mommy, I want to give you a hug!" You have truly made my life more beautiful, more precious. You are such a joy in my life, and I wish these days could last forever, that I will never have to kiss you goodbye. But more than that, I hope to give you such a life that you will be well equipped to be such a lady that the world desperately needs to make a beautiful mark on it, and leave it forever changed. I hope to be such a mother, along with your father, to shape you into such a lady. I want to be that lady for you, so that you know how it can be done. I love you so much, my darling little girl, growing so fast and not so little anymore! Thank you for so many sweet memories.....

The Zoo

2009-08-07T13:03:00.003-06:00

My mom treated us to the Zoo, during her visit. Once again, we had the most perfect weather for it! I had taken the children a little over a year ago, but I think I was the only one of us at that time that was thrilled about it... a 1 1/2 year old and an infant don't really find animals as fascinating as older children do. Marcail is old enough now, that she was excited out of her mind to see all the animals that she had been reading about (seeing pictures in books, rather!). She truly loved it! Donovan was still only a little intrigued, mostly because of his age, I believe.

Marcail gave all the animals a VERY excited hello, waving furiously, and calling them by their names : "HI, GIRAFFE!!!!"

He looks a little concerned, yes?

These cute little ground squirrels were everywhere! I let Marcail out of the stroller to get a closer look, and she did, with no hesitation whatsoever. Passerbys were so impressed with how she was so fearless and so cute with this little squirrel. I was too : ) Impressed, I mean.

Here is this darling carousel! I just had to take M & D on it for a ride. Ever since I saw "Mary Poppins," I have been in love with these things, and secretly have hoped that they would dismount from the ring and my pony and I would ride off into colorful chalk paradise. So here is another instance where my vision of what I think my children would like does not match reality. Yes, Donovan screamed bloody murder as soon as I placed him on a beautiful little pony (so I held him for the entire ride -- do you think I could've gotten my money back?) And Marcail did fabulous, and was actually excited about riding a pony, until the ring started moving.... which was faster than even I had expected. I managed to talk her through staying on her pony, even though she cried and her knuckles were white the whole time. When we were exiting the carousel area, however, she told me that she had FUN!!! (?????)

Grandma insisted on pushing the stroller the entire time! You have to understand that this is a zoo on Cheyenne Mountain, which, yes, means that it is a work-out, and yes, the same Cheyenne Mountain that all you StarGate fans are familiar with. But no, sadly, we saw no StarGate crew.

Good thing Grandma had a helper!

A cute little kangaroo.

Ice Cream Daze

2009-08-05T17:01:00.005-06:00

A day downtown would not be complete without genuine homemade ice cream at Josh and Jon's, right?! Well, that's what I was thinking, too. So after having no success at playing in the fountains, we strolled few blocks till we came to an air-conditioned (!!!!!) cute little ice cream shop. Gil was finally able to meet up with the rest of us, and we savored one of life's little joys that is ice cream : )

It seems I talk a lot about food on here...

Waiting at our little table. The board Andrew is staring at is really quite funny; people write their questions down and Josh answers them.... in a clever, and well, funny way : )

She is just loooooving this flavor: "Pikes Peak Coffee"

The Makinson family sharing ice cream the family way. Yup, out of one cup. 4 spoons. & some impatience.

I know, he's just too cute to put down!

Gil and "Can-Can" getting some squeals out of 'van.

Oh, soooo sleepy!

Marcail is trying hard to ignore the paparazzi (me)

Uncle Wilbur

2009-08-05T13:59:00.008-06:00

In downtown Colorado Springs is a fabulous water fountain, endearingly named Uncle Wilbur, where at almost any point during the summer, you will find very busy little children drenched from their playtime. Unfortunately, we have not introduced Marcail and Donovan to this Uncle until last week.... which meant that even though I had pictured in my mind them having the time of their life playing there, they did not have the same idea : ) You will see from the pictures that they were very wary of the fountains, and were perfectly content to stand on the perimeter and watch other children get wet. Both Andrew and I attempted to coax them into the water; but their bathing suits remained perfectly dry. I think they need a little more association with Uncle Wilbur before they will feel comfortable engaging in this activity!

Candace met us for lunch at a Mediterranean cafe downtown. Yum! She was our tour guide for the afternoon : )

Chicago!

2009-08-04T13:23:00.008-06:00

First, click on any of these for close-ups.

Second, Chicago was BEAUTIFUL! And so, so fun! My list grew of what to do when we are there next time. The weather was as perfect as you could ask for; the sun, the clouds, the wind. Perfect. And the smells of all the food cooking! I think my favorite part was all the water-front beauty. I certainly did not expect anything so serene and lovely.

Third, the people there were amazing; truly friendly and very helpful. I can't tell you of the number of times we were stopped by THEM and asked if we needed help finding anything or if we needed advice on anything (which is how we found the Cajun restaurant for lunch). Its probably because we looked like celebrities. Because celebrities walk around Chicago hauling their carry-on luggage with them, right?..... yeah.... maybe not! : )

At this point, you may be wondering why we had luggage with us. Well, the story is that we were going to Grand Rapids, MI for a couple of days for a business conference, and the PLAN was to play in Chicago for a couple of days, too. Its rather a long story, but we were able to squeeze in some Chicago play-time at the tail-end of the trip,.... after returning our rental car, and after checking out of our hotel, but before our flight that evening. We had no choice but to make our carry-on our little friend for the afternoon. Three's a little bit of a crowd, but if you have a muscular husband who is willing to do the hauling for you, well, you can do just about anything!!! : )

About to board the "L" public transportation subway.

Downtown!!!

"The Bean" @ Millennium Park

The Amphitheater at Millennium Park. Andrew HAD to go have a listen, of course!

Modern art sculptures in the park

The two buildings that look like mini-sky-scrapers are actually super, super tall fountains; which made for a popular kiddie-play area that warm day!

At the gardens near Millennium Park

On one of the piers. You can see Navy Pier directly behind me, but we didn't have time to walk there.

Beautiful view along Michigan lake and the quaint Marina in the background.

Gorgeous views along the waterfront!

Stroll along the Chicago river. We had to take our luggage with us, which was fortunately a carry-on!

Cajun food, anyone? Yum!

On the "L," heading back to the airport. It felt great to sit!

P.S. Don't ask me why some of these letters are blue, some are black, and some are underlined. Today the blog has a mind of its own!

LOTS to catch up on!

2009-08-04T13:20:00.002-06:00

Hi, everyone! Well, we have tons of pictures from the last two weeks to prove that we have been busy, busy, busy, AND having tons of fun along the way. Now that my mom is gone : ( I will use some free time to blog. So you will be seeing pics from Chicago, Colorado Springs Zoo, birthday parties, downtown outings, and more. First we'll start with Chicago....

Chicago, here we come! & other random thoughts.

2009-07-23T23:02:00.003-06:00

My mom flew in to the Springs yesterday, we packed today (well, really, tonight), and we fly to Chicago tomorrow morning (just Andrew and I)! I have made sure my camera is in my purse, so as long as we can upload pictures on this computer, you can all come along for the ride : )

A dear friend of ours is an airline stewardess, and she was able to get us buddy passes for a ridiculous price. We discussed details last night, and I only found out then that Andrew and I are flying FIRST-CLASS, baby! To some of you that is not a big deal. But seriously guys, it is A BIG DEAL!!! : ) Neither of us have ever flown first class before; and on such a discount..... wow.

I have been surprised, though, at how apprehensive my thoughts are that I push back into my mind; you know, like how something might happen to us. Mostly, I just think that being a parent changes your whole life. Its astonishing how typical it is to start worrying so much about hypothetical scenarios and situations when you know it could affect your children. Being single, or even being married with no children, never felt this way to me. But now, with 2 children that I absolutely adore, random thoughts about what "could happen" leave such a yucky feeling in my stomach. And, yes, I know. I know that all of our lives are in God's Hands, I know that I can trust Him in whatever comes our way. I just still find it curious at how I used to feel so carefree about pretty much everything; but when Marcail and Donovan were added to my world, and when 2 other babies of mine were taken away, some of that carefree-ness slipped away. I believe my rose-colored glasses have been shattered just a little.

Please pardon my random thoughts on the matter : ) Rest assured that I think it is going to be an amazing trip! I have printed maps already on where I want us to visit. And true to our normal way of living life in general, we will cram everything we can do into those 3 days and live it up... And then we'll need to come home from our get-away, kiss our babies, and relax : )

2009-07-20T13:28:00.002-06:00

Since lightning struck our house, and therefore, our computer, I have not been able to get online much. Not quite sure how this will affect my blogging in the future... right now I'm utilizing Andrew's laptop, which I will be able to continue using. Andrew thinks he can get a thumbdrive for me to still upload pics and videos and such. We'll see how this works out! So if there's a lame number of postings in a month, that's why : ) Hopefully it will not be too much of an issue...

This Makes My Heart Smile...

2009-07-11T21:19:00.004-06:00

the little BFFs

2009-07-09T14:16:00.002-06:00

They insisted on holding hands. Of course it just warmed my heart : )

2009-07-07T22:08:00.001-06:00

Here's some blackmail pictures for Donovan when he's 17.....

Conference Fever

2009-06-30T17:51:00.004-06:00

Yesterday and today have been great.... they are "We get to see Andrew/Daddy again!!!" days. Last week, Andrew clocked 120 hrs of work for the 3 conferences and about 30 hrs of sleep for the whole week! CRAZY! I almost cried a couple of times, and Marcail and Donovan had some meltdowns. Marcail was wailing, "Mommy, I want Daddy!!!" and I just looked at her and whimpered, "Marcail, I want your Daddy, too."

But, enough complaining : ) Other than the fact that we hardly saw him, the conferences were AMAZING! I went to the worship sessions every evening and took the children. There is nothing that I can put into words to describe the intensity of fervor and hunger in that room. Especially the last 3 nights, with the Desperation Conference geared for high-schoolers. There is just something about thousands of young lives that are THAT intense and passionate which energizes the whole air of the place. You have to realize that most of these kids paid some price to be there-- they weren't brought unwillingly from 4 states away--- they WANTED to come. With all my heart, I know that God meets us when we set time aside for Him; when these few minutes, or hours, or days, are deliberately blocked off for no one but Him, He will meet with us. He loves to!!!

In today's world, with the concern of being PC, and all that jazz, you can water down Christianity till there's nothing left but to drown in this culture of relativity and "middle-ground land." But when you look at a sea of young faces as they are told that in order to walk a Christian life, you will have to sacrifice, you will have to pay a price; that there is an unseen war and we are in the middle of it and can influence the present and the future; that there is absolute right and wrong; that we are the light of the world, so BE the light of the world; that God is worthy of all we have, all we are, He wants it all..... when you look at the hunger and desire on their faces, you realize that we don't have to apologize for our Faith- they WANT the challenge, they WANT something in which they can be totally sold out. They want to stand on sure foundation, to know the boundaries, to live in the light, and walk against the currents of society and culture.

It was such a beautiful thing to see. Sometimes it can be discouraging to see where the world is headed; all the pain, all the injustice around us, in nations all over the globe. There is nothing better that gives me such hope, as I am reminded I am not alone in what makes my heart burn.

More Summer Fun (with friends at their house)

2009-06-28T23:34:00.003-06:00

These pics are from earlier this week- mommy dates with the kiddos are so much fun! We packed our own lunch (we as in I, ha!) and headed over to my friend Amanda's house, which just happens to be in my neighborhood. The children had a fabulous time together. Marcail and Bennett play together at church all the time anyways. And Donovan and Tessa were born ONE day apart.

We've been playing outside here at home every afternoon lately.... Marcail's porcelain white skin is actually getting a little bit of a tan! Too cute! And Donovan.... well, he was just born tan : )

A new phase

2009-06-23T22:00:00.004-06:00

Marcail is growing up! I decided that diapers were only going to be for naps and overnights now. She had done such a good job transitioning to underwear, and using the potty out of her own initiation. I am so proud of her! Yesterday, though, we were at the grocery store, talking to the store manager. He asked Marcail how she was doing, and she loudly pronounced to him that she was wearing panties! To which I doubled over laughing, and I have no doubt that my face turned several shades of red. Too funny!

Summer Fun, etc.

2009-06-21T21:55:00.004-06:00

This past week has been so much fun with the children.... I love that summer is here and we can play outside in the sun! This coming week will be VERY full, so I rather appreciate the time we had together to enjoy free time.

Andrew has been quite busy with getting geared up for 3 major conferences taking place this coming week at New Life. Chris Tomlin, Leeland, and other major bands will be featured, so I'm super excited about participating. AND I'm also sooooo proud of Andrew for earning such a great reputation with all these Christian music artists that are impressed with his level of professionalism and great skills. It really is awesome to me that he's mixed audio for artists like David Crowder, Matt Redman, and Charlie Hall..... all with fantastic reviews! I just married a really, really cool guy : ) We really didn't get to celebrate Father's Day today, with him still doing a ton of prep work today, but I did make it a point to do a little something special every day this past week to help make up for it.

2009-06-12T19:26:00.001-06:00

Isaiah 43

¹ "But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine. ² When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze."

God never says that He will stop the waters, or that He will put out the flames. But He does guarantee to be with us and cover us as those times sweep over us.

Papa and Mama Visit

2009-05-31T14:55:00.006-06:00

There is just nothing like a taste of home; I don't know that there is anything sweeter to me. When Andrew's parents left from their visit, there was such a huge void and sadness I felt inside of me. We had such an awesome visit, Makinson style; plenty of good food and fun games, and lots of laughter. Marcail and Donovan both LOVED their Papa and Mimi!!! Of course : ) Here are some pics from our time together...

Truth

2009-05-27T11:34:00.000-06:00

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Marianne Williamson

Eating Out

2009-05-15T13:37:00.003-06:00

All four of us went to Texas Roadhouse for dinner; that would be the FIRST time we have all gone out together at a "sit-down" restaurant, and I have to say, it was a lot of fun!! Andrew said later that it was the best time eating out that he could ever remember (including w/ out the children)!
The best part about Texas Roadhouse and messy kids, is that there are peanut shells aaaaallllllllllll over the floor anyways : ) Perfect.

Big Dipper

Little Dipper

High fives all around!

The little bandit : )

Happy Mother's Day

2009-05-10T12:43:00.004-06:00

I owe this wonderful privilege of being a mother to 3 special people in my life: Andrew, Marcail, and Donovan. Motherhood is such a gift and joy. Here are 2 of my most precious blessings:

As of Late...

2009-05-05T16:16:00.004-06:00

It has just been so busy around here that blogging has been my last priority for sure. We had a fantastic trip to Vegas, where we set some new goals for ourselves that will impact our future. We are super excited about challenging ourselves and seeing results soon.
All of us are doing fantastic. Marcail and Donovan are both talking up a storm, and Andrew and I laugh to hear their conversations during their naptimes/bedtimes. They are so fun to play with, and most nights, we have been devoting time just playing with them.
Andrew finished with our HUGE Thorn production at church, and now he's back to his normal schedule, which is still pretty flexible from day-to-day.
I have been consumed with many things; everything from housework, to grocery shopping, to working at Church in the children's department, working out at the gym every day, and accomplishing goals every day that I mentioned above. Every night, I sit down at the calendar and write down a full list of everything I need to do the next day.... and boy, is it a full list!!! I am so thankful for a full life. Some people walk through life and wonder if it has meaning.... I have had times like that. But not now!

2009-04-22T14:06:00.002-06:00

I have always wondered what another son would be like, since Donovan is about the most perfect little boy I could have possibly imagined. He is just so sweet, and loves everybody, smiles all the time, and loves to play and tease. He is just darling, and I seriously thank God every single day for the gift of him as my son-- he is so much fun.
He came to me the other day. He likes to stand holding his little hands together in front of him (looks like a little choir boy). So he came up to me standing like that and looked up at me adoringly. "Mommy?" "What, Donovan?" There was a slight pause, and then he said as well as a 1 1/2 can say it, "I love you!!" Well, you know that just melted me from the inside. "Oh Donovan, I love you, too!" And THEN he said, "Kisses!" and tilted his little head up and pursed his lips expectantly. Of course he got a kiss!
I mean, does it get any better than that?!

Lately

2009-04-22T13:42:00.003-06:00

There hasn't been too much to blog about lately, although I've felt plenty busy and go to bed every night very ready for sleep! This weekend though, we are taking a road trip to Las Vegas, for a leadership conference where we will see John Maxwell and many other successful leader and entrepenuers.
Gil and Candace will be watching the children here at our house, and so I've been consumed with cleaning every inch of the house, and making dinners for them, and writing lists, and doing laundry, and working at the church, and going to to the gym every day; a 12 hour drive actually sounds relaxing right about now!!!!
We have been looking forward to this trip for a while, and am excited to put into practice what we are/will be learning. I am thrilled as we look into the future and wonder what God has for us while we do what He has put in our hands to do. I know He will lead us step by step. Since Andrew and I have gotten married, I've sensed strongly that He has bigger things planned for us than what we can imagine-- so big that if He showed it to us, it would scare us into inaction, if that makes sense. So I am thankful for the "lamp to our feet," as we cannot see the whole picture , and just do what He is telling us for this time.

2009-04-14T12:46:00.002-06:00

I was putting dishes away in the kitchen, while Marcail and Donovan were munching away on some lunch in their highchairs. Marcail piped up and exclaimed, after watching me for a bit, " Good job, mommy!! You're a GOOD helper!"

Amanda Visits!

2009-04-09T16:03:00.005-06:00

Amanda reading a book to Marcail and Donovan.... about 20 times : ) What is it about children and "Again!!!?!!" that is so enthralling? They loved having that kind of attention!

An afternoon chat while Amanda draws Marcail on a magnetic sketch pad thingy (what are they called??? I don't remember). This was another favorite pastime while Amanda was here.

Oh my!!! Eggs with cheese, Scones and cream and lemon curd! What could be better?

A short trip to the Garden of the Gods.

A little family picture...

At the GOG's welcome center. Marcail and Donovan were thrilled to see this lion. The cutest thing was hearing them roar at it : )

Checking out the rattlesnake!

Overlooking Garden of the Gods (and Donovan trying to climb up)

What we did every day.... Seafarers!!

This morning at 6am, about to drive to the Denver airport. I'd say we look pretty decent for staying up till midnight playing Seafarers and then getting up at 5!

Snowman

2009-03-28T21:14:00.003-06:00

Yesterday was the perfect day to make a snowman for Marcail! Snow had fallen the night before, and it was bright and sunny out. Plus, Andrew and I had a full day off to play-- no work! Marcail loved to help her daddy out (he did most of it; I took pictures). Donovan was miserable, though. I'm not sure if it was his snowsuit or the cold that he didn't appreciate, but he just sobbed and sobbed unless I held him. So I did : ) The rest of us had a lot of fun anyways!

The beginnings of the SnowMan

Marcail in her snowsuit

"Why, hello, Mr. SnowMan!"

"I DON'T like this!"

Putting his eyes in.

Buddies

The rest of us.

If you thought the PBJ was messy....

2009-03-23T14:16:00.002-06:00

Then check this out: Chicken nuggets with BBQ sauce, and honey mustard sauce. Yummy! I think he got so much of the stickiness on his face, even HE started feeling uncomfortable. Maybe he was just trying to get a bath out of it : )

And here he is as a big boy, learning how to drink from a huge adult glass! He was so proud of himself!

Birthday Time!

2009-03-22T22:54:00.004-06:00

Andrew turns 27 on Tuesday! We had a birthday celebration with friends this afternoon, and on Tuesday, we will go pick out his grill (his birthday present) and eat lunch at a steakhouse (of course!).

Status Update

2009-03-21T15:24:00.002-06:00

Many of you have been asking how we have been doing. It has been a little over a month since we found out our baby had passed away and I had the operation.

There are good days, and there are hard days. There are still nights where I cry myself to sleep, but those are not most nights. I still find myself going to sleep and waking up with my hands on my belly, because I used to go to sleep praying for the baby. I still feel movement in my lower belly and my mind first immediately thinks, "Its the baby kicking!," followed by the reminder, "No, there is no baby, remember?" We just started getting the bills in the mail, and it tore me up inside to know that we will have to pay for a child that we never got to see.

Someone encouraged me to really pour into my husband and children here when I miss my other children; to take that emotional energy and transfer it into actively loving and appreciating what God has given me presently. That has truly been transforming for me.

I have had some very endearing moments with Marcail and Donovan as it has made me more tender towards them. Whenever I find myself fretting over the mess on the floor that they made, or the constant diaper changes, or their demands and annoying whining and having to correct them over and over, I just suddenly remember that I am so blessed. All of that is just the territory you cover when you have children. And I would rather have all their messes and tears, than to have a perfectly clean house and never have them in my life. Instead of thinking, "Oh, man, I have to cook dinner for us tonight," I think, "I get to cook dinner for my family tonight!" And while I am washing the dishes, the clothes, and the floor, I find myself grateful for my family who makes me work so hard : ) Because it means I have a family I am caring for.

Spring Day

2009-03-21T15:16:00.004-06:00

We have had beautiful weather for the past couple of days. It thrills me that Spring is finally on the way! We played outside this afternoon. I played in the dirt. Yes, I really did. Technically, I was planting flower seeds, but it was definitely playing in the dirt. Marcail was so curious as to what I was doing. After I told her that I was planting seeds that were going to grow into flowers, she proceeded to inform Donovan of that for the next hour while they were coloring with chalk. I guess it was a good conversation piece! Who knew? : )

PB & J

2009-03-17T14:46:00.005-06:00

Why are peanut butter and jelly sandwiches regarded as the classic food for children? Here is what I get from my child every time he "eats" it :

Just look at this endearing jelly mustache and gotee.... He reminds me of a Spaniard : ) (You can almost imagine what he will look like at 25.)

It seems to me that this is adult food. I didn't show you any pictures of the pretty decorations on the floor : )

Officially American Family

2009-03-14T13:35:00.004-06:00

Last night, on our way home from the gym, we stopped off at McDonalds for a quick dinner. They had a playroom! Whenever we have gone to McDonalds (which is still not very often), we have always gone through the drive-through. When we saw the playroom, we decided to actually do a sit-down, and let the kids play. When I was a growing up, we never did such a thing, so I was really excited to let Marcail and Donovan experience what has become an ordinary American past-time. We all had such a fun time!

A Murphey's Law

2009-03-12T14:08:00.001-06:00

How is it that freshly mopped floors seem to scream "PLEASE drop your messiest food on me!"?

So GQ

2009-03-07T15:44:00.003-07:00

I know every mother thinks their children are the most gorgeous. But seriously! Look at this handsome child! I know I say this all the time, but it truly is Andrew's fault.

Ready for Spring

2009-03-07T15:41:00.001-07:00

Any guesses as to why? Here is a hint (above).
I think I wouldn't be craving warm weather as much if we didn't have 70 degree weather this whole week until today...

Still trying to get this Makinson thing down

2009-03-04T14:18:00.004-07:00

So, I was trying to teach Marcail how to eat whipped cream from the can. Its a Makinson thing : ) Apparently, I don't quite have the skill quite yet, even though I've been a Makinson for almost 4 years. I suppose I will just need to keep trying : ) but that will only work if I haven't scared Marcail from letting me practice on her!

Getaway

2009-03-03T22:07:00.003-07:00

Our cozy room

at the sushi restaurant

Mr. Ridiculously Good Looking

Our view from our room

We were sent, as a gift from friends, up to the mountains for a night. I cannot tell you how touched I am that someone even thought to do that for us- just thinking about it makes me emotional still. Well, we had such a great time. Great would actually be an understatement. It was so romantic, relaxing, refreshing, rejuvenating, and beautiful. I had thought that one night would never do the trick for me - that I would need 3 nights to feel fully restored and rested. I was so wrong, and I'm glad of that!! We came back today, and I felt as though time had stood still for us in the perfect way.

It was the most beautiful and classy hotel we had ever stayed in, up in a gorgeous little ski town village nestled in the mountains. We relaxed in the outdoor hot tub in the crisp evening air. We took a stroll at night into the village, where there was a perfect little skating rink. We had sushi for dinner (thank you Travis and Lindsay for introducing us!), in a cute little modern Asian restaurant (Lime green and hot pink decor inside. Wow.). We slept in the most wonderful bed ever. We brought massage oil, candles, and dark chocolate . I just can't tell you how beautifully romantic and relaxing it was!

The Dancers

2009-02-27T17:55:00.004-07:00

(Yes, that's oooold DC Talk playing in the background)

Grandma comes for a visit

2009-02-24T15:06:00.004-07:00

I think most of us can agree that there is nothing quite like mommy to help make everything better : ) My mom flew in last week, right after she heard the news, and she will be here until this Thursday. We have had a fantastic time!

Out for a walk in this BEAUTIFUL weather!

Donovan jumping up and down.

Not a picture of grandma, but see how happy we are?! :)

Dancing in the kitchen.

Out for another walk under the gorgeous blue skies.

Last night, we went out for dinner (free subs), and then went across the street for ice cream at Coldstone. What a nice treat!

2009-02-21T19:09:00.001-07:00

Faith

2009-02-19T00:56:00.003-07:00

Right now, it is late at night. I can't really sleep. Too much is on my mind. I count the days since I found out the heart-breaking news about our baby, and I cannot believe it has only been 5 days. I could swear it has been 3 weeks. I have been through so many thoughts, so many emotions. I have to be honest here and admit that I've had very real doubts; doubts about God. Doubts about His faithfulness. Certainly doubts about my faith in Him. I suppose anyone in my shoes (and again I have to be honest and realize that some people have been through much worse) would have to sit back and re-evaluate what they really believe. The mind has to come to some sort of SOMETHING that makes sense, and trying to grapple with something that has no answers is a very vulnerable and frustrating place to be.
And after these very intense days of agonizing and.... oh, there is no word I can think of to describe the sadness,... it suddenly came to me. Faith. If I were to hold on to "faith" as some sort of guarantee that nothing in life would give me pain, it would be nothing more to me than some sort of good-luck-charm. And I would go through life and discover and discard hundreds of good-luck-charms and never find anything that would make life pain-free for me. That is why so many people become irritated with God (as I have done), feel betrayed by Him, (as I have felt), and walked away thinking, "God doesn't care after all," or "God doesn't exist." And truthfully, every single person who has lived, is living, and will ever live on this earth, WILL go through pain. All of us; no one is exempt.
The hard fact about Faith in God is that it can't even really begin to exist until you put it up against pain, against tragedy. It doesn't even become truly birthed until the day comes when your world gets rocked, shattered, broken beyond recognition -- I know this happens on many different levels for different people, it is not the same hardship for everyone-- That is when you decide to have Faith, that beyond what you can understand, in spite of what you feel, in spite of the doubts that you are tempted to listen to, that God is doing something beyond what you can see at the moment, and it is also probably far bigger than you realize.
Holocaust survivor, Corrie ten Boom, wrote a poem about a tapestry. We on this earth see the underside of the tapestry of our lives. We see criss-crosses that don't make sense. They actually look downright ugly. We see the knots. They look hideous. What are they there for? We think we see a pattern to emerge and then it stops. What happened? We are so easily tempted to think, "Doesn't God know how ugly this looks? This is a mess! All of these things break my heart, and I'm supposed to have faith in Him?!" Most of the time, He really doesn't answer more than, "Yes. I love you so much. Trust Me, that what I am doing is beautiful. Hang in there. I am with you every step of the way." And that is all the answer we get.
Finally, the day comes when we see everything from His point of view. We see the upper-side of the tapestry. And it takes our breath away. It was more glorious than we could have possibly imagined. All of the knots make sense now, all of the criss-crosses have meaning. Never would we have guessed that His purposes were so loving, so glorious and so beautiful. How could we have ever doubted His intentions towards us? But He knew the whole time.
And that is Faith.

2009-02-18T00:43:00.001-07:00

A Conversation

2009-02-15T18:46:00.002-07:00

Here is a conversation I had on the ever-popular Facebook, via "chat," with my friend Amanda Taylor, who lives here in Colorado Springs. I was crying by the end of this-- of course, that is all I seem to be doing these days-- But I hope it will touch your heart as it did mine, because we have been flooded with notes and calls, and offers for meals and prayers, etc. What she says is true, and I have so many of you to thank for it:

Amanda : Got the news last night, I am praying for you and the fam and anything I can do please let me know

Anneke: ok
I just wish there was something
like a new heart that doesn't hurt so much
something along those lines
but you can't get those at wal-mart
or a baby
but thank you :)

Amanda: yes that is true and wal mart sells everything, but God promises us that through our pain and times where are hearts feel like they won't find peace that that He will be that peace

Anneke: I feel like I've prayed for bread
and my Father keeps giving me scorpions
in my head I know that He is a good Father
even when it doesn't make sense
but I don't know that the core of me REALLY believes that
I want to
but I feel like I keep getting stabbed in the heart over and over

Amanda: remember the story of moses in the old testment?

Anneke: which one

Amanda: there was a section in there that talked about how he stood at the top of a mountain and as long as his arms were raised his people were winning and when they lowered they were losing

Anneke: yes

Amanda: when his arms got really tired aaron and another person stood beside him and helped him by lifting a arm each. its may sound silly but that story makes me think of you right now

Anneke: i don't understand, I guess...

Amanda: i know that your heart is breaking right now and andrew's as well and both of you may feel like putting your arm's down because of not understanding how God works when things like this happen

Amanda: but take heart and be encouraged that right now knowing that beside you and andrew on this mountain right now as your arms are feeling weary and you want to just lower them that there are family behind you lifting them up as you go through this battle

Anneke: thank you
that means a lot

Amanda: no problem, for some reason it got stirred in me listening and I am starting to learn when God starts speaking even if it does not make sense to me that it may to the person I am talking with

Anneke: it does

Amanda: then it makes my heart happy because I did what God wanted me to do

Please, God, Not Again

2009-02-13T17:25:00.002-07:00

I have the sad news of sharing with you that our current baby has gone as well. I have just come back from the doctor's, where they couldn't find the heartbeat with the doppler, and took me immediately to get an ultrasound. There was no heartbeat at all. But I saw the baby, and it was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen.
My heart is broken, and of course filled with questions that have no answers. My feelings are so many, and yet numb at the same time. I hate that I have to go through this again. I hurt that there is another little baby that I will never hold in this life-time, never tickle and never hear their laughter, never be able to study their perfect eyebrows, lips, fingers, and toes.
Goodbye, Little One. I will always love you, and will ask Jesus to give you kisses for me. One day I will meet you and it will be such a beautiful moment....

Coffee Buddy

2009-02-10T12:05:00.002-07:00

Ever since I had Marcail, I have been determined to accustom her taste, from an early age, to like coffee. You have to understand, Andrew is not a big fan of coffee (he will have a little bit here and there). So I need a coffee buddy!! When she is 21 and I am in my 40s, I want to be able to share regular coffee time with her, and have some great bonding time, whether we chat over a home-brew or a Starbucks. I am not sure if it is normal to think this far ahead in the future, but there it is.
Now, for those of you that may be concerned that I am just loading her up with caffeine and buzzing her out, no need to worry! Whenever she has the occasional "cup" (sippy cup) of coffee, it is more along the lines of milk (and flavored creamer, of course) with a touch a coffee. She LOVES it! And I am so happy : ) My plan is working : )
However, I just put her down for her nap, and she is whimpering in her crib for "my coffee!!"

This Weekend

2009-02-07T18:34:00.006-07:00

Because I figured I didn't have enough to do this weekend, I undertook the challenge of adding 2 more little children to my brood. The parents needed a little getaway-a ski trip- and hadn't had a weekend to themselves in over 2 years. I had 4 children all to myself (Andrew was working this whole weekend) that were 2 1/2 and under.

Wow. What a time. I think I thought to myself several times, "oh my gosh, how does Sarah (Bass) do it and stay sane?" It wasn't necessarily the chores that made it soooo time consuming --- it was more the dramatics of having two 2 year old GIRLS "playing" together and my broken- hearted little boy (he didn't like sharing me with a 6 month old baby). Talk about plenty of drama that kept coming!!!

But by the end of the time, I felt that I had started to adapt to the challenge of it all; like it wasn't so draining as in the beginning. I will have to advise myself next time, to have Andrew around for some help, and some adult conversation : )

Nonetheless, we had plenty of fun-- baths, fingernail painting, coloring, cookies and milk, and nap times where Marcail taught Kadence how to throw all her things out of the crib and jump up and down for 2 hours before falling asleep.... oops!! : )